Katana - Unlocked at start

Katana of Miffed Barbarians - Kill a minion with your Katana. Rage and Spite are examples of minions.

Nunchucks - Kill Spite
Since any weapon can be used to kill Spite, feel free to use range to your advantage. Shuirken and Bombs reccommended.

Ruby Nunchucks of Mild Discomfort - Kill a minion in under 30 seconds.
In order to do this one, try and go into a boss battle with as many lives as possible. Haphazardly strike without fear of self-damage, and use magic as much as you can. Bombs are also a good weapon for fast kills.

Kusarigama - Kill Rage.
Rage is another minion who requires range to kill quickly. It's reccomended you dodge until he's at ground level, then unload with your ranged weapon. Magic is also useful.

Ultra Super Mega Kusarigama - Kill ten enemies while hanging from wall.
This one is easy as pie. Just hold up and the direction of the wall, and swing away at any passing enemies. This is actually a good strategy regardless of whether or not you have the weapon or not, as the enemies can barely ever hit you.

Taming Whip of Many Nuns - Decappitate 10 enemies
This one is easy. Equip your Katana of Miffed Barbarians and get to choppin'!

Light Saber Blazer - Kill two minions and Abharghus in one go.
Yeaaaah here's where it gets hard. I haven't even done this one yet, but I assume just playing conservatively and being cautious and lucky won't hurt. More news on this when I get it...

Baseball Splat Bat - Kill Horror
This one is easy, if you have a ticket. Horror likes to teleport around and throw remarkably dodgeable projectiles, so just wait until he's close to the ground and destroy him.

Early Morning Star - Kill Disgust (The last boss in Transdimensional Leakage)
Disgust is a lot like Torment, but in reality, I find him much easier. Like Torment, charged jumps (holding down until you glow then jumping) work well to dodge him, and you can only damage him when his mouth is open. I reccomend a boomerang or some other projectile, so you can dodge his mucus at ease.

Shuriken - Given at start

Shuriken of the Headless Brotherhood - Go into rage mode.
Rage mode is easy. Ironically, it's best to ignore anything but your primary, and try and decend while taking out as many enemies as possible. Hack and slash fast, and you should get rage mode within minutes of starting.

Boomerang - Score 150,000 points.
Be good at the game. Sorry, this one is a little hard to get by trickery. The best thing you can do is kill everything you can, take out as many minions in one go as you can, and pick up all you can.

Battle Bash Boomerang - Take out 4 enemies in one throw with a boomerang.
Find 4 enemies on the same level. If one has more than one health, take them down to one health. Throw it straight at them. Easy peasy livin' greasy, ya got it. Make sure the enemies are close enough, though, as the original boomerang has barely any range.

Axe - Kill Doom
THIS guy. Screw this guy. Boomerang (especially Battle Bash) is good for him, since those statues he likes to place block many kinds of projectiles. Magic is also good against him, and jumping over his statues and slashing as many times as possible is also a good way to quickly deal with him.

Axe of the Hefty Hefters - Run through the game using the axe whenever you can. This one's about patience.

Ha-haduken - Score 250,000 points.
The best way, the way I got it, to do this, is to go through the whole game on normal, defeating all 4 required bosses, or going through the Transdimensional Leakage as many times as possible. When you beat it once, just keep going in a loop until you can get at least 250,000 points.

The Token Gun - Go into rage, and stay in rage, for 30 seconds.
The best way to do this is to forget you have anything but your primary and hack and slash. Not much too it, other than be fast and don't be afraid of death when in rage mode.

The Richochet of Litigious Possiblities - Kill a fiend with a launched bomb.
You know those little jerks who rise from their bunkers and throw a bouncy bomb? Yeah, we're gonna use the whip to knock their bombs right back at them. Just keep trying and don't kill them any other way until you get this.

Laser Sandwich - Kill thirty enemies in a row with the gun. DO NOT miss a shot.
This ones is weird. Try and get your ammo count to as high a capacity as possible, then start at the TOP of the tower. On your way down, never fire a shot and collect ammo. When you have your 30+, find a red skeleton and kill everything around him. Kill him with a bullet. Cease fire. Wait for him to rise up. Bam. Shoot him again. Repeat until the timer runs out. Let the reaper kill you, but stay AWAY from the skeleton so you don't spin-kick him to death. Then, in the next 30 seconds of shooting you should unlock it.

RIP by RPG - Find 100 fairies.
This one requires patience and not much else. A familiar would help, but most fairies are relatively easy to spot. Certain rooms seem to almost always have fairies stashed away, so learn the layouts and keep milking them for fairies.

Dusty Spear of Destiny - Kill five enemies with one molotov.
Easy. Unlock the molotov, and then find 5 enemies in a confined space, and light 'em up.

The Thrower of Flamey Stuff - Use 1,000 projectiles in one game.
Stay in the tutorial area with Shuriken equipped. Stand RIGHT on the wall and throw them as fast as you can, picking them up at the same time. Be patient.

Bomb - Given at start

Bomb Boomathon - Finish a minion off with a bomb
Get a boss like Rage or Doom down to around one bar of health, then unload with bombs.

Molotov - Talk to Smither three times in one game.
Start at the top of the tower on normal, and make your way down. Hopefully, that pervy skeleton will show up three times, and you can take what ye will, but not rattle his bones.

Molotov Mazel Tov - Burn yourself.
If you need help with this, I fear for the state of our public schools.


Shrapnel Bomb - Get to the first minion without killing anything.
YUP. You have to jump over enemies and not kill a soul. DON'T PICK UP SMART BOMBS. Luck is your only friend in this one, as you'll get ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ rooms that require kills. Just keep trying.


Shrapnel Bomb of Mass Inconvenince - Kill three enemies with one shrapnel bomb.
Find three enemies all together, like one of those rooms with three frogs all next to eachother, and drop a shrapnel on 'em. Should be easy.

The Annoying Grenade - Play the game 10 times.
Play the game. Next, play it again. Then, play it again, after that, play it again. Okay, how many times have you played it? Did you answer, "4?" If you did, play it two more times. Okay, you should be at 6 now. Guess what 10-6 is! That's right! Whatever your answer was, play it that many times, and then one more for luck. Then, rub a bald man's head and kiss a jade dragon statue. The annoying grenade was unlocked like 20 minutes ago.

Jelly Bomb of Wobbly Destruction - Play the game 50 times.
Okay, this is where it gets weird. Last time, you played the game 11 times, right? Right? Okay, play it 76 more, and this should unlock.

Sticky Bomb - Beat an EX boss.
EX bosses, I believe, are random. Hope for the best, then kick their asses. Easy as that.

Calamity Caltrops - Spend 5 minutes under water.
Not much was saved after the calamity. The kid gets up, and thinks he might fancy a swim. He doesn't want to stay down there too long, so he figures he can take a thirty second swim every now and then, and that'll amount to about five whole minutes. Kid finds himself with a new set 'a caltrops. Not quite the weapon he's used to using on the walls, but it'll do in a pinch.

Dynamite Death Dealer - Get three tickets
Start at the top of the tower. Get to the bottom collecting EVERY LETTER YOU CAN FIND. Leave no stone unturned. Repeat until you have amased three tickets. Then, sing, like this: "I never thought my life could be... over the moon... with ecstacy!..." and when the song is done, you should unlock Dynamite Death Dealer, one of the most USEFUL tools in the game.

Lightning Magic from the Heavens - Given at start.

Flame Magic from the Pits - Kill three enemies at once with Lightning Magic from the Heavens.
Find a tall, narrow passage with three or more enemies. THEN UNLEASE THE FURY OF YOUR MAGIC.

Wind Magic from the Bowels - Get 25,000 points in one life.
BE VERY CAREFUL. Just keep on trucking and DON'T DIE. Bosses are worth lots of points, but generally getting through one in one life is difficult. Try and avoid them, unless you are reaaaally good.

Kamikaze Magic - Rescue two fairies in one game.
That's it. Get a familiar, or use your dynamite to blown up all of the fake-blocks holding fairy bottles in one game. Pretty simple, but sometimes is hard if you don't know what to look for.

Life upgrades - Die a lot. At least 300 times for max upgrade.

Time upgrades - Reach floor 200/50 of the main tower, or 150 of the basement for all of them. Transdimensional leakage appears to work, but that could be a bug.

Projectile capacity - Survive for 5/10/15 minutes. Transdimensional leakage is a great way to do this legitimately, as you can keep going even after it is beaten.

Bomb capacity - Kill 25/50/75 fiends with bombs. Just keep bombing?

Magic capacity - Kill 100/200/300 monsters. Not sure what qualifies for "monsters" but just keep killing and you'll get there.

Lucky Unlucky Rabbit's Foot - Kill ten named enemies in one game.
NEVER LET A NAMED ENEMY LIVE. Unless they are named "Andy." Those ones are cool.

The Parachute of Tidy Landings - Kill Torment
THIS guy. I HATE this guy. Just superjump over his charges, use magic and bombs when available, and try and whip his back.

Aquavita Flippers - Kill 10 fish

The Accursed Familiar - Beat the game

Darabont's Magnet - Collect 50 pickups in one game
Open every crate, get every time pickup, and every generic pickup. Start at the TOP of the tower.

Crystal Ball of Dubious Phantasmagoria - Kill two enemies in one piledrive.
Find two enemies walking together in a confined space. Jump, and hit down to rip 'em to shreds.

The Devil's Personal X-ray Glasses - Read the comic.
ALL THE WAY THROUGH.

Shield of the Clumsy Fallen Knight - Reflect a dragon's Fireball or Wizard's fire with nunchucks.
Using the Nunchucks of Mild Discomfort, try and deflect every fire attack that's not from a statue back.

The Magic Duck - Avoid the Grim Reaper for 20 seconds.
RUN.

The Foe Randomizer - Get 20 cash pickups in one game.
Break every crate and pickup all da monnaay. X-ray Specs may help, especially with Smither.

Spikeaway - Crush 50 enemy skulls.
Decappitation weapons should be used, then crush those skulls! Just keep doing it for...
ever.

McFly's Time Extender - GREAT SCOTT! GET A TIME PICKUP IN THE LAST SECOND!
Stand next to a time pickup until your time runs out almost, and then pick it up.

3 Extra Lives from on High - Defeat Abarghus without losing a life.
Learn the patterns, and then patiently take this sucker down. It's tough, but the three lives sound heavenly, don't they?

Instant Rage - Just add anger - Behead 20 enemies in one game.
Equip your Barbarian Katana and any other beheading gear you have! Heads will roll.

Slowpoke's Genuine Flash Bomb - Open 20 crates in one game.
Not much strategy in this one. Just open twenty crates and start from the top of the tower.

Slowpoke's Amazing Freeze Time - Talk to ten ghosts in one game.
TOKI WO TOMARE! ZA WARUDO!
Soshite. Toki wo ugakidasu.

Slowpoke's Smartest Smartbomb - Complete the game in under twenty minutes.
I honestly can't imagine beating the game in OVER twenty minutes, so just beat it normally.

Le Sac Magique - Survive Horro without being hit for 60 seconds.
Dodge dodge dodge! Go into Transdimensional Leakage and dodge those shots! Careful, when he's closest, the shots have a higher chance of hitting!

Ammo Forever - Rage for 60 seconds in a row.
WOW. This one is tough. I reccomend getting into a rage in Transdimentional Leakage and then decending as fast as one can, while whiping out every enemy they see. Find a medium in quickness. Not too fast on the decent, not too slow.

The Third Leap - Juggle a duck for three second in the air.
I suppose turn them into ducks and then juggle with the whip?

Monkey Bane - Stay in the air for 60 seconds total.

The OST of Purebred Ninjinity - cut three Kinnes in half.

The suits - Get... kills? Pretty self-explanitory.