(If a word is repeated, he has multiple responses to that word)

• Fink - They used to call me something different, you know? Back when my teeth were sharper.
  
  
• Fink - Poor old Fink... They can't even remember why they put me here, you know?
  
  
• Fink - Ah, I'm just an old nobody.
  
  
• Goggo - That old slug has been here even longer than I have. They say he's been married over a hundred times at least.
  
  
• Auros - Ha! Auros the High, you know what they say about him? Crazy as a bootful of butterflies, he was! Thought he could fly! Jumped off the highest tower in his kingdom. Splat! Hahahaha.
  
  
• Marta - Old Marta the Wise? Yeah, I dunno how wise she really was. Sometimes people think you're wise if they can't make sense of what you're saying; and nobody could make sense of that old girl! Hazy as a swamp-fog, she was!
  
  
• Talia - Ooh, Talia the Wicked.... Even I don't dare say her name too loud. She was a killing queen if ever there was one. Coin was all she liked. Cold hard coin.
  
  
• Edgar - Edgar the Just! Yeah, I've heard of him. They say he was a real stickler for law and order; He liked everything to be balanced juuust right. Even-handed, that's what they say...
  
  
• Audo/Priest - Ah, the big cheese! They say he more or less rules the city. I....never got up that far...
  
  
• Cryptmaster - Rumour is there's some old codger goes by that name way down in the oldest tombs. They say he's a necromancer.... that's what they call someone who interferes with dead bodies, you know!
  
  
• Joro/Nix/Maz/Syn - Ah, that's a deep name, that one. That's a name from the deepest part of the city all right.
  
  
• Piper/Steven/Vitus - Ah, the Piper... I'm the only one can remember when he first came here. Us rats were just a parcel of scroungers, living off bones and muck. He taught us manners and soothed our wild natures with his music. Much good it did us... (laughs hysterically)
  
  
• Countess - Oh, she's a grand lady, that one. Too grand for her own good. Did ya know King Vitus once tried to marry her but she turned him down? He still bears a grudge, I reckon...
  
  
• Shallya - The Goddess of Healing? Yeah all the living love her, don't they? Except for us rats, of course. What did she ever do for us?
  
  
• HornedKing - Oh the Fink knows the stories! The Fink knows all the old stories! A big old bonedaddy with horns on top, master of all the dead. They say he was the first person ever to die, way back in the time before times. Nobody knows what woke him...
  
  
• King/Queen/Royalty/etc. - Ohh, so the crowns aren't enough? Yeah, you'll need to marry into royalty if you want to get a certificate of royal pedigree. But i don't think there's any living royalty around here....except...for old King Toad of course....they call him the Moist One. He lives away in the swamps...
  
  
• Rats - Most rats think we're the chosen people, you know, that one of these days the Piper is going to lead us up to the surface in a glorious procession, ready to reclaim the city that should have been ours! But I know better. I've been around a bit, me...
  
  
• Toads - Ah, don't even talk to me about toadmen! Warty brutes -- they don't even have tails!
  
  
• Paladins/Knights - Seen 'em once -- just the once. Big fellas -- in metal suits.
  
  
• Bonehouse - Ahhh, it ain't so bad round here. They make for lovely quiet neighbors. Usually....
  
  
• City - They say it once belonged to us rats, you know. Oh long ago, long ago.... I've never seen it myself.
  
  
• Sea - Oh that old puddle? Yeah I been there, I been all around there. Just a lot of water, no good for rats...
  
  
• Palace - Yeah the ol' Razzo Palazzo, I call it. I watched three generations of rats build that old pile.
  
  
• Pantry - Ahaha, Yeah, that's where the old witch keeps her vittles, right? All them fat, juicy humans. I sniffed around there a bit in my younger days...
  
  
• GreatSeal - Oh yes, yes... They made a big lid over the Underland, they did. In the Long Ago, when they broke the Horned King, they still couldn't settle all the dead he raised so they sealed them off instead. Drew a line between living and dead. Burned a girl to make it, I've heard.
  
  
• Temple - That's away up top in the city, right? Past the Great Seal, up in the yellow light. All those metal fellas are up there, and the big priest. Audo, they call him. That's what I've heard, only what I've heard. I hear a lot of things, you know...
  
  
• Downwood - Oh the Fink has heard of it, the topsy turvy place where the trees grow from the top down... never been though, never been...
  
  
• Payn/Loria/Iss/Klaxo - I've heard that name somewhere before...
  
  
• Story/News/Secrets - Did you know that three of the four Great Plagues to afflict us rats started with diseases carried by humans? Yeah, it's true! The fourth plague was me; I was just larking around and it got out of hand.
  
  
• Story/News/Secrets - Toads and rats have been coexisting down here for centuries, you know. Sometimes we fight and other times we're friends. We can't interbreed though, and that's not for want of trying.
  
  
• Story/News/Secrets - They say the Piper has skulls tattooed on the inside of his eyelids, to remind him of his mortality every time he blinks! Freaky, eh?
  
  
• Up/Ladder/Surface - So that's where you're headed, eh? Up top? You sure about that? I don't think they take kindly to your sort up there...
  
  
• (any swear) - Haha! You cuss like a duchess at a tea party! Go on, don't mince your words, show us your teeth!
  
  
• (any swear) - Pssh! That sort of talk don't even ruffle my fur.
  
  
• (any swear) - Ahaha! Are you trying to get a rise out of me? You'll have to do better than that!
  
  
• (any swear) Hah, you think that's cussing? I could show you some cussing. Come back when you've got a bit of hair on your chest!
  
  
• Cage/Prison - [No response...not even one of the canned "wrong input" responses where he laughs. Just a beat of silence, then lets you type another word. Sore subject perhaps?]

• Hello - Hello.
  
  
• Agda - Oh, you mean the peasant girl who hangs around the altars, the one they burned? I don't pay her much mind.
  
  
• Piper/Vitus - That tired old crooner? That miserable old rat-botherer? Do you know, he calls himself a king, as if it's just a case of putting on a spiky hat?! Sometimes I send out my toads to battle his vermin for practice but otherwise I have nothing to do with him. My social life may be somewhat stunted in recent centuries, but he is absolutely not the thing. Not the thing at all!
  
  
• Audo/Joro/Syn/Maz/Nix - Oh...that's a name I've heard before.... One of the ancient heroes, yes?
  
  
• Audo/Joro/Syn/Maz/Nix (2nd time) - Another of the old heroes, if memory serves.
  
  
• Cryptmaster - Hmmm... Is that who's been whispering in your ear? I can almost hear him, you know... You've brought something up from the deep crypts, haven't you? something...special.
  
  
• Countess/Ulara - Quite the lady, they say... Should you ever encounter her, do give her my regards. I should rather like to meet her some day.
  
  
• Shallya - Ugh, the goddess of life and healing. Lovely, if that's your sort of thing, i suppose.
  
  
• HornedKing - Oh, he was a hellish old thing. An absolute bore!
  
  
• Klaxo/Iss/Loria/Payn - Why do you speak that name to me? A minor god... almost forgotten.
  
  
• Crypts/Bonehouses - They dug down here in ages past to bury their dead, then they built up and up over our heads...
  
  
• Sea/Temple/Downwood/Pantry - That's a region to the "up" of here, isn't it? Listen, whatever they do in the upper levels goes quite literally over my head, and that's the way I like it...
  
  
• City - The surface holds little interest for me. The world has shrunk rather since the days of my glory...
  
  
• Rats - Euugh! I detest them! Filthy creatures, playing at civilization like children dressing as grown-ups. They're even worse since that decrepit warbler from the surface arrived.
  
  
• Toads - Mmm, yes. Toads, toads, toads. I spawn them in batches, you know. Little hooligans.
  
  
• Eyestone - I have no interest in furniture, however sentient it may supposedly be.
  
  
• GreatSeal - The Great Seal? That was put in place a long time ago, after the Horned King was defeated and the undead driven back down into the darkness. I was already down here, you know. None of it really affects me, this silly struggle between the living and the dead...
  
  
• Story/News - Actually, I did hear one rather interesting rumour from the surface... they say the goddess Shallya is suddenly taking a rather active interest in the city again. I don't know how or why but I'm certainly happy to be buried down here beyond her reach. I suggest you keep a low profile too...
  
  
• Wives/Brides - I have had seventy-three brides, you know. Seventy-three wonderful brides; absolute charmer every one. Such a shame they all had to die. Immortality can be a curse, you know...
  
  
• (any swear word) - Don't say it unless you mean it dear.
  
  
• (any swear word) - Ugh, how pedestrian. I know twenty-seven more interesting words for that.
  
  
• (any swear word) - Ooh, don't start getting fresh with me, you brutes.

[Words listed multiple times have multiple responses]

• Dad - I love Papa.
  
  
• Mom - Papa says I don't have a mother. I was a mamaculate contemption. [sic]
  
  
• Hello - Hello.
  
  
• Goggo - Is that the big frog? He looks funny.
  
  
• Agda/Altar - The floaty lady? I don't think she likes me.
  
  
• Countess - The lady upstairs is mean. I'd like to slam a door on her fingers.
  
  
• Shallya - Shall I what?
  
  
• Audo/Priest - Whodo?
  
  
• Bonehouse - That's where we are! Hooray!
  
  
• City - Papa is going to send me there. I'm going to be a doctor!
  
  
• Pantry - Papa says that town is full of nanablers [sic]. I don't know what that means...
  
  
• Downwood - Is that where the trees grow upside down? I'd like to go there.
  
  
• Rats - Papa and I are better than the rats.
  
  
• Toads - I don't like them. Their eyes are too big.
  
  
• Paladins - You mean the metal people from the city? They're scary.
  
  
• Story/News/Secrets - I hurt my knee.
  
  
• Story/News/Secrets - My eyes feel funny.
  
  
• Story/News/Secrets - I felt a drop of rain on my tongue.
  
  
• [any swear word] - Naughty!
  
  
• [any swear word] - Oooh! You said a no-no!
  
  
• [any swear word] - I'm telling Papa on you!

Dad/Vitus/Piper - My Papa said I should be a doctor because I'm clever. Also, I like looking inside people. When I get to the city, I'm going to eat a big pie full of blooperies.

Duncan/Highwayman - He's very friendly. He took all my money and he's going to turn it into cryptomoney! Yippee!

Curly - Why do they call him Curly? He hasn't got any fur.

City - When I get to the city, I'm going to eat a big pie full of blooperies.

(interestingly, if "Bonehouses" is entered, he will say "That's where we are! Hooray!" even though he and the player are currently in Downwood/The Tavern. Similarily if "Downwood" is entered, he will remark that he wishes to go there one day)

[The Piper has me befuddled. The only word he seems to have a response to is "Steven". Yet he also has dialogue recorded for certain other words -- just no extra information. He just repeats the word in a questioning tone.]

• Steven - He and I are the only humans down here, you know. I'm actually thinking about sending him up to be educated in the city.
  
  
• Countess - Countess?
  
  
• Shallya - Shallya?
  
  
• Maz - Maz?
  
  
• Nix - Nix?
  
  
• Syn - Syn?
  
  
• Joro - Joro?
  
  
• Agda - Agda?
  
  
• Audo - Audo?
  
  
• Goggo - Goggo?
  
  
• Cryptmaster/Necromancer - Cryptmaster?
  
  
• HornedKing{/b] - The Horned King?
  
  
• Bonehouse - Bonehouses?
  
  
• City - City?
  
  
• Temple - Temple?
  
  
• Downwood - Downwood?
  
  
• Rats - Rats?
  
  
• Toads - Toads?

• Hello - Hello
  
  
• Ulara/Countess/You - A lady doesn't discuss herself. I am not a topic.
  
  
• Ulara/Countess/You - Modesty prevents me from discussing myself. You must permit me a little mystery...
  
  
• Ulara/Countess/You - I'm quite well. Thank you for asking.
  
  
• Piper/Vitus - Horrendous little minstrel. I'd as soon discuss the contents of an ogre's privy.
  
  
• Goggo - When I first took up residence in this region, I paid a call on old King Goggo. He's rather charming company, if a little old-fashioned...
  
  
• Audo - Oh, I could tell you some stories about that old goat... He claims to be pure when he is anything but pure! Hm! I suppose I do admire him a little.
  
  
• Joro - The Warrior of Legend. What a wonderful slab of meat he must have been. They say he could carry a horse for a hundred leagues, which seems a rather contrary way to travel.
  
  
• Syn - I've always rather admired her. They say she once hated a man so much that she had Audo resurrect him just so she could kill him again. Hahahaha.... Delightful.
  
  
• Maz - Oh, the Bard of Yore, The Golden Tongue, He of the Silver Strings! I confess a weakness for his verse. Untutored, of course, but rich with a primitive and earthy delight; And it's in couplets, which I love.
  
  
• Nix - The Sea Witch? There have always been rumours that our family line is descended in some way from one of her dalliances. Of course, she was rather profligate, so it's not easy to unpick that particular web...
  
  
• Cryptmaster - Am I supposed to know who that is? They don't sound like the sort of person who would have mixed in the same circles as me...
  
  
• Agda - Oh, no that plain little thing who hovers over the altars? She always seems so gloomily sanctimonious. Ugh, how could one live like that?
  
  
• Shallya - What I wouldn't give to have her book for my collection! It would be most... illuminating!
  
  
• HornedKing - I imagine he would have been a tremendous bore. They said he was the first person to die, countless ages ago. Nobody gets more interesting the longer they are dead, you know. That's one thing I've learned down here...
  
  
• Bonehouses - Paupers' graves, bones stacked on rotten bones. I've never been and I never intend to go.
  
  
• Palace/Tower - This tower was once the city's finest building. Now, of course, it isn't even in the city. I was forced to relocate when the neighborhood became a little too puritanical for my tastes...
  
  
• Crypts - Oh yes, lots of very fine families down there, you know. Good bones. I'm probably related to most of them.
  
  
• Sea - This was once the temple district of the city, you know. Thousands of gods, a great dirty squabble of them! Every one was bound to a holy tome, a book of great power. Then of course, Shallya rose to be chief among them - her book bound in gold and housed on the highest peak while theirs crumbled to dust in the slums of the Temple District. As the City built up and over them, they were left down here - dog-eared and forgotten, prey to the cold and damp, read only occasionally by a dwindling stream of pilgrims.... Until I arrived, of course. Now there are hardly any of them left. You see, I've managed to catch most of them for my library. I keep them clean and dusted and in return they provide me with a little additional appetite when I need it...
  
  
• Pantry - Quite charming. I chose the area for my residence and now the entire region is mine, shore to sunken shore. Give or take a few stubborn islands...
  
  
• Downwood - That is the area directly above this one. Though it's rather a step down, if you ask me. Filled with outcasts and unsavory characters... and of course those insufferable paladins.
  
  
• GreatSeal - They laid it over the Underland to keep the dead from rising again. Well before my time, of course. I could still pass through it to the city if I wanted to, you know. I might have lived rather longer than my allotted span of years, but I never actually died. It just wasn't something that interested me.
  
  
• Servants/Guards/Butlers - Oh, they've been in my service for centuries. Centuries.... I really should learn their names.
  
  
• Rats - Ugh. You want to discuss rats? Do I look like a zoologist?
  
  
• Toads - You came all this way to discuss toads? The art of conversation is not yet dead, I see...
  
  
• Paladins/Knights - Disgusting brutes. Do you know, they once tried to arrest me. Me! They came to my tower in their silly metal suits, imagining that would protect them. Haha, I broiled them like lobsters.
  
  
• Story - I do love seaside living. The air, I feel, has a remarkably restorative quality.
  
  
• Story - Did you know that the famous quintet of heroes who defeated the horned king were not all adherents of Shallya as old Audo would have everyone believe? I have conducted my own research, you see... They worshipped quite different gods. The lady Nix even took a number of them as bedfellows...
  
  
• Story/Cellars/Barrels - Many years ago, I left a little heirloom in a hollow barrel in the cellars. I can't now remember where it is, but I know the barrel was labelled with my father's name...
  
  
• Story - When I first came to this region, there was only one person living here - an old man who lived in a shell like a sort of crab. Bracchus of the Brine, he called himself. He was filthy, but ah, he had the soul of twenty...
  
  
• Story - I'm going to tell you a little secret. If you push the volume entitled "The Seventy-Three Positions of Sula and Amaris" in my library, you'll open one of my more interesting rooms...
  
  
• Story/Cellars/Barrels - One of the barrels in my cellars contains a very rare vintage. I, ah, acquired it from a man with a huge fork who came past here on a boat some years ago. Imagine that, a huge fork and no knife!
  
  
• Library/Books - My library is my one great vice, you know... more or less... You see, I'm a simply avid collector.
  
  
• Payn - One of the only unsecured deities left down here. He was a terror in his day, I believe, but there's not much left of him now.
  
  
• Iss - Once a great Goddess of Desire and Lust. Hardly suitable for polite society, I fancy....
  
  
• Loria - The old Goddess of Justice. I don't know what she's the Goddess of these days. She still resists all my efforts to contain her. She protects herself with a veritable wall of excuses and distractions.
  
  
• Klaxo - A Trickster God, one of the few not yet filed away safely in my library. Be careful with him; he's a slippery one.
  

[Had to break this into two parts because I hit the word limit. Orthos is talkative!]

• Orthos - One of my favorite subjects! But a sad tale, nonetheless, as sad tale... You see, I was ousted from my position in the city above due to supposed improprieties! Ha! As if Audo and his "Guardians of Purity" have any right to decide what is meant by "proper"! There is always something apalling about people who try to define words so brutally. It's like caging wild birds - a cruel sort of pleasure...
  
  
• Goggo - Old King Toad! Back in the Morning of the World, he was a trickster; a spry and lively fellow. I have personally collected stories of his exploits from across all the known kingdoms. Nobody has seen him for years but his toadmen haunt the deeper levels.
  
  
• Countess - Oh, you've heard of her, have you? I wrote a whole chapter of my book about that infamous dame. They used to say there was no depth to which she would not stoop, but that she stooped so gracefully, you could hardly see her move!
  
  
• Piper/Vitus - Ugh! I knew Vitus when he was little more than a ragged busker. He was exiled for meddling with the dark arts, using that charmed flute of his to sway the feeble-minded. Called himself an "influencer"! Ha! Good riddance to him, I say.
  
  
• Fink - Oh yes, I met that little reprobate on one of my rare trips downwards. He was hanging in a cage, but when I offered to free him, he asked me how I could be so sure which side of the bars was inside and which was outside. He claimed that he was outside the cage, and the rest of the world was inside it! Ha!
  
  
• Audo/Priest - Oh, the High Priest! They call him the Deathless one and say that Shallya has granted him eternal life. But I know a secret.... He has already died! He has no soul, you see! He is but an empty vessel, unbound by the laws of the living. What happened to his soul, or where it is now... well, that's more than I can say...
  
  
• Shallya - The Great Goddess of Life. She shines on the realms of the living and gives nothing to those of us who must crouch in the darkness. And of course, she only speaks through that hypocrite Audo, or at least that's what he claims...
  
  
• Cryptmaster/Necromancer - Hmmm... How interesting you should say that.... I have heard tales of a necromancer who dwells deep in the city's dungeoned heart, who sometimes uses that name....
  
  
• HornedKing - Nobody really knows where he came from, despite all the theories you'll hear. Anyway, they destroyed him utterly and for all time. Ground his bones to dust and gave it to the four winds. Forbid his name to hand and mouth and scratched it from the records. Nothing of him remains, except... perhaps... echoes.
  
  
• Agda - Oh, poor humble child. They say she went meekly as a lamb to her death. Surely, surely one of our city's most poignant moments.
  
  
• Joro - The Warrior of the Great Waste! Did you know he was once an enemy of the city's first people? A mighty warlord from the Southlands? But when the Horned King rose, he joined forces with his former enemies and died in the service of all people. A great man, by all accounts...
  
  
• Syn - Oh, the Grey Lady? The thieves of the city still revere her greatly. It must be lovely for them to have a thief who was also a legendary hero -- validates their whole profession...
  
  
• Maz - They called him Maz the Mellodious, you know? He was said to have the voice of the Kantarian songbird! Unfortunately, we no longer know what Kantarian songbirds sounded like because Maz ate the last one. He was something of a gourmet, by all accounts...
  
  
• Nix - The Sea Witch! Hers was an untutored kind of sorcery -- not like the mannered spellcasting we practice today. I don't mean to be prurient, but they say... They say she learned much of it in the bedchamber! She numbered thirteen demons, two dragons, and an eldritch monstrosity amongst her consorts...
  
  
• Payn - Ah that's an old name! He was once the God of Chaos and Destruction, you know? In the old times, his temples were slaughterhouses and his altars dripped with the blood of multitudes! But that sort of thing can't last, of course -- not if you want to have any worshippers left.... Now I hear he ekes out an existence as the God of Atheism! Hahahaha! I suppose he must be sulking...
  
  
• Klaxo - The Trickster? I think his cult was absorbed by some of the big new Northern Gods - ooh, a good couple of centuries ago now. I'm surprised you've heard of him.
  
  
• Loria - Oh, she was a great Goddess of Justice. Yes, the ancient hero Joro was said to be her champion and people used to invoke her name all the time. You never hear anything about her now...
  
  
• Iss - The Goddess of Desire! I don't believe she was ever worshipped openly here in the city, but many centuries ago she was the most important deity for the people of the plains. These days, you never even hear her name...
  
  
• City - Ah, the city! I miss her, you know... I was always an urbane creature; I was never made for subterranean life...
  
  
• Crypts/Tombs/Bonehouses - Crypts, tombs, bonehouses... the buried strata of our dearly departed! How I'd love to journey down through them all some day.
  
  
• Downwood - Look around. It's all downside up! A frightful place for a once-respected mage to spend his autumn years...
  
  
• Sea - Oh, you've heard of it too, have you? They say it's a vast underground lake, dotted with mysterious islands and the crumbling temples of forgotten gods... I wonder if the fishing's good?
  
  
• Pantry - Pantrytown, you say? Never heard of it.
  
  
• Temple - The Temple of Shallya? Pah, nothing more than a big hall filled with clanking paladins and presided over by that ancient charlatan Audo!
  
  
• Seal - The Great Seal? No dead can pass it and I daresay none would want to. It can't be tricked, like the eyestones.
  
  
• Rats - They say it's a myth that rats are unhygienic creatures. But in fact, that is itself a myth! The truth is they are filthy animals.
  
  
• Toads - Slap-footed underlings of Old Goggo... I've only ever seen them in the city's zoological gardens, but they say the very deepest levels are heaving with them.
  
  
• Paladins - Audo's lickspittles! Pah! They call themselves the "Guardians of Purity" but they wouldn't know purity if it crawled inside their armor and bit them in the brisket! Puffed-up hooligans! I knew you weren't real paladins from the moment I saw you; you don't walk with that same air of iron-clad superiority.

[Story and swear words seem to be randomized, unlike some of the other characters who go down a list]

• Eyestone - I once descended a couple of levels to speak to one of those. Imagine, I thought, the things it could tell me about the long centuries of its existence... well, it was a fraught journey and a fruitless one. The thing was the most appalling bore; absolutely useless!
  
  
• Book/Page/History - You've seen some of my discarded pages already, have you? No, I don't want them back! Why do you think I threw them away?
  
  
• Story/Gossip - Have you heard the tale of the King and the Dragon? It was said that these two once had an argument about whose breath was the most powerful. So the Dragon demonstrated his power over a village on the edge of the plains, and with a deep breath, he blew out a flame so hot it turned the whole village to cinders in moments! Undeterred, the King leaned to his general and whispered a single word in his ear. The general passed the word to his captains, and they gave it as commands to their men. Within that very day, a hundred villages and three great cities had fallen to his armies! So the King, it seems, had the greater power in his breath, as those of us who work in words know very well...
  
  
• Story/Gossip - You know, there was said to be a spell so powerful that it could change the names of everything in the world, so that a fish might become a fiddle, and a candlestick could change to a compass. Every single thing would transform in an instant. According to legend, the spell was lost or destroyed before it could be used, but there are some who think it was cast, perhaps many times. Perhaps it is being cast now... or now... [Is this a reference to the randomized chests? I know compass and candle are both possible items and I've come across a repeated item a few times, so it would make sense if a "spell (code)" was being "cast (executed)" 'many times'.]
  
  
• Story/Gossip - I'm not the only mage down here, you know. Some of these poor old dotards are the victims of an addiction to mana that has plagued out order since its founding. Now they scratch around in the abandoned mana mines for whatever scraps they can glean.
  
  
• (any swear word) - Ha! Keep going, go on! Say something outrageous...
  
  
• (any swear word) - The word has not been devised that could shock me!
  
  
• (any swear word) - Hahaha, that's about as shocking as a drink of water!

• Curly - Ah, I'm just an honest old set of bones! What can I do to anyone? I can't even relieve myself in the ale anymore...
  
  
• Highwayman/RedDuncan/You - He's a right old rogue but I tolerate him. Just like I did you, Maz - in fact, he claims that he's a direct descendant of yours!
  
  
• Joro - Hehehe, Joro, do you remember that evening when you woke up screaming because you thought you'd been buried alive in a coffin? You'd just fallen asleep under a table! Hahaha, you kicked it right through the roof!
  
  
• Syn - Syn, no trouble this evening, please... It may have been centuries since you were here last but there are still some bloodstains that I just can't shift...
  
  
• Maz - Here, Maz, did you know we get one of your descendants in here? That's right, the Highwayman, Red Duncan! He's your great-great-great-whatever-grandson!
  
  
• Nix - Oh Nix, the number of entities who've been in here asking about you. I stopped taking messages about 400 years ago! "Where has she gone to?" "She told me she'd meet me at the crossroads!" "Tell her I want my ring back!" You're a popular lady, that's for sure...
  
  
• Audo - Haha, where is that old soak, eh? Does he know you're back? I hear he's quite the big man these days, more or less rules the city!
  
  
• Drink/Beer - Another round? It amazes me that your stomachs can still hold anything...
  
  
• Goggo - Oh, is he still around? I had to ban him from the speed-dating evenings, you know...
  
  
• Countess - Ah, she keeps a little "colony" of living folk just below here, doesn't she? Yes, I knew her, not that she'd ever drink in an establishment like this. She's a cold one; cold and cruel.
  
  
• Shallya - The Goddess of Life? Good luck to her, I suppose. Life is a little overrated in my opinion, but each to their own...
  
  
• Orthos - He's barred! If you see him, tell him from me that correcting the grammar of the graffiti in the bogs is STILL graffiti!
  
  
• HornedKing - You saw that old ghoul off, didn't you! Haha, wish I'd seen that fight!
  
  
• Cryptmaster - The Cryptowhat? Sorry, we only take gold or souls here. I've been burned by those scams before...
  
  
• Paladins - They keep to themselves and we keep to ourselves. I throw them a few souls now and then, of course...
  
  
• Agda/Altar - Ahaha! I didn't tell you this, but she sneaks in for a glass now and then. She's not quite as pure as she seems...
  
  
• Tombs/Bonehouses/Sea/Pantry - I don't get down that way much - I'm too busy.
  
  
• City - If you're going up to the city, you'd better be careful. That big seal is designed to burn up all of us undead. Whoosh! Like farts in the wind...
  
  
• Seal - That big seal is designed to burn up all of us undead. Whoosh! Like farts in the wind...
  
  
• Downwood - It's not a bad locale. I used to get a better class of customer up top but down here there's less red tape, if you know what I mean. Swings and roundabouts, isn't it?
  
  
• Inn/Tavern - This Tavern has been in my family for more than seventeen centuries! Of course, I've been the only owner...
  
  
• (any swear) - Language, please.

• Duncan/Highwayman/You/Bandit - You want me, Red Duncan, to talk about me, Red Duncan? Well, what you see is what you get, and let's be honest, what you get is more than you deserve!
  
  
• Curly - Curly's okay. He's been fencing goods for my family for centuries. Your family, in fact, Maz.
  
  
• Fink - I could tell you a thing or two about him. But I daren't...
  
  
• Vitus/Piper - Oh, I knew him when he was just a busker! And now he's royalty... of a sort!
  
  
• Goggo - The Moist One? I tried to rob him once and he was so obliging that he put me off...
  
  
• Steven - Poor old Steven, eh? I'll be frank, he creeps me out a little.
  
  
• Countess/Ulara - The Countess Ulara? I held up her coach one time and she did me the great honor of complimenting my britches!
  
  
• Joro - They say you were the greatest warrior the world had ever seen. There used to be a statue of you in the city square but they took it down because it was offensive to the descendants of people you'd killed. In other words, everyone in the city.
  
  
• Syn - You know, I'm a little embarrassed to say this, but you were my first crush. There was a picture of you in our textbooks at school, throttling the elephant king with his own trunk. I always found it... strangely alluring.
  
  
• Maz - You know, Grandfather Maz, I think I can see the resemblance between us. Perhaps one day you'll allow me - (Maz: blaaa blabla) Please, I just want to- (Maz: Blabla blabla) No, really, I'm only - (Joro, Syn, and Nix laugh while Maz interrupts him again).
  
  
• Nix - High Priestess Nix! In the city they hold a special festival in your honor every year... I only attended once but... well, it still hurts when I ride a horse.
  
  
• Audo - Audo? Well you should know about him. You used to hang with him back in the day, right?
  
  
• Shallya - The Goddess of Life? I'm not a priest, I don't go in for all that religious stuff.
  
  
• Orthos - The Spellcaster? Oh, you couldn't pay me to rob him; he hasn't got two souls to rub together...
  
  
• Cryptmaster - Chris who? Never heard of him.
  
  
• Rats - Rats, you say. Rats indeed.
  
  
• Toads - Toads, you say. Toads indeed.
  
  
• Paladins - The Paladins? I can run rings around those goons. No one catches Red Duncan.
  
  
• Agda/Altar - The spooky girl? I don't know much about her. Those altars give me the willies.
  
  
• City - Do I miss the city? The bright lights, the perfumed gardens, the possibility of a conversation with someone whob wasn't actively decomposing... yes, I think I do miss it a little.
  
  
• Bonehouses/Crypts/Sea/Pantry/Downwood - I get down that way, yes. One place is much like another to me.
  
  
• Inn/Tavern/CrookedEel - The Crooked Eel is my favorite haunt. They're always happy to see Red Duncan here.
  
  
• (anyswear) - All right, pottymouth!

(I used rhyme zone and used every single-syllable word that I could find and the ones below are the few that worked. He rejected all the two/three syllable words I entered, saying stuff like "that doesn't rhyme" or "that won't work" (about 5 or 6 times before I stopped trying). He wouldn't take names/proper nouns. The lines in italic are additional dialogue that he offers after certain inputs, but not all.)

King Vitus is the name, I'm the first of my line, and I'ma burn your ears like turpentine. So privy now madam, come listen to my song...

• Thong - It packs more muscle than an ogre's thong!
  Oh yes! That's a killer!
  
  
• Wrong - It might be savage, but it won't be wrong!
  
  
• Long - It might be savage, but it won't be long!
  
  
• Bong - It will knock you out like a witch's bong!
  
  
• Pong - It's all about you, so excuse the pong!
  Yes! I bet she does smell awful, too -- she's been around long enough.
  
  
• Throng - I'm here all week, so join the throng!
  
  
• Strong - I'm here all week, and my rhymes are strong!
  
  
• Gong - The slaughter won't stop till you hear the gong!
  Yes, lovely! Just need to remember to bang a gong at the end now.
  
  
• Shlong/Dong - [He will deny these words because he views them as explicit]
  Too explicit, I'm not that kind of bard!
  Let's keep it clean, please. Steven is present.
  [There may be more dialogue for using Shlong/Dong. They share the same dialogue]

My lute's more ruthless than a ballista, let me hit you with my steel tipped rhyme now, sister.
You've gotta give me credit, I'm so versatile...

• Rile - My angle is to anger and my style is to rile.
  
  
• Trial - If style is a crime, you better put me on trial!
  
  
• Mile - But if I saw you now, I would run a mile!
  Hahaha! Yes! "Run a mile" - I would, too!
  
  
• Style - We could've been friends, but you've got no style!
  
  
• Stile - We could've been friends, but you've got no style!
  I changed it to the other kind of style. Is that what you meant? I can't get a good diss out of a little staircase.
  
  
• Vile - We could've been friends but you're just so vile!
  
  
• Bile - But when I think of you...I can only taste bile!
  
  
• Pile - If you have any complaints, you better put them on the pile.
  Hm, should I be inviting complaints? I wonder.
  
  
• Guile - I'm honest to a fault, but I'm full of guile!
  
  
• File - I don't need to mix with the rank and file.
  
  
• Tile - I'm twice as slick as bathroom tile!
  Hehehe, I love it! Total Destruction!
  
  
• Dial - The god of modesty has me on speed-dial!
  I have no idea what speed-dial is, but it sounds pretty good.
  
  
• Vial - What I got can't be bottle in a vial.
  
  
• Smile - I can't raise the dead, but I can raise a smile.
  Hmm...Is that a little weak? Maybe not...
  
  
• Isle - But you're so stuffy that you're slumming on an isle!
  Yes! Oh, she does live on an island! Very cutting! Good stuff!

I've heard it said you're an aristocrat - get a grip, missus! I know better than that! You can't marry a count and act like you're grand...

• Stand - You still look like a crock from where I stand.
  
  
• Hand - Especially when he died at your very own hand!
  Ha! Perfect! She'll hate that! Everyone know she killed off her husbands.
  
  
• Planned - Especially when his death looked suspiciously planned!
  
  
• Banned - Grifters like you should really be banned!
  Haha! Yes! Very effective! They say she was an actress before she hooked her first husband!
  
  
• Canned - Grifters like you should really be canned!
  Haha! Yes! Very effective! They say she was an actress before she hooked her first husband!
  
  
• Band - You've got more brass than a military band!
  Hahaha! Yes! I like that!
  
  
• Land - You only married him for agricultural land!
  I honestly have no idea if that's true or not, "Agricultural" is a nice word though.
  
  
• Fanned - If my ire is a fire, then consider it fanned!
  Oho, yes! That's a rhyme and a half!
  
  
• Tanned - You're just an old witch who's inadequately tanned!
  Hehehe, yes! She does have a very pasty complexion! This is writing itself!
  
  
• Brand - I can see right through your personal brand!
  
  
• Bland - You think you're hot, but you're really just bland!
  
  
• Gland - You've got more gall than a swampfly's gland!
  Ha! Yes! That's a good one! Hit her with a little zoology! I love it!
  
  
• Sand - [Surprisingly, this is rejected, citing difficulty in making it work]

Let's conclude this feud, let's finish this dance - I'm sure you'll agree that you never had a chance! So please accept this, as my final word...

• Turd - Scratch away your polish, and you're still a turd!
  Oho! Yes! Lethal force!
  
  
• Nerd - You think you're so cool, but you're really just a nerd!
  I don't even know what a nerd is, but it sounds great!
  
  
• Bird - And fly away home, you dreadful old bird!
  
  
• Curd - I'm the cream of the crop, and you're the curd!
  Oh! Yes! That's a killer!
  
  
• Herd - Now off you trot, go back to your herd!
  Haha! Yes! I'm suggesting she's a cow! That's lovely! Very clever indeed!
  
  
• Third - Between you and I, you'll always come third!
  
  
• Heard - And have a good sulk over what you've heard!
  
  
• Furred - Just speaking about you makes my tongue feel furred!
  
  
• Word - [For some reason he just says a random line about how good it is, but doesn't actually use it in a rhyme. EX: "Yes! That's a killer!" or "Oho! Yes! Lethal Force!" (Side note: I tried repeating some of the ones where these more generic lines are used, such as curd and turd; however, the dialogue is the same every time. Strange how Word uses a random one.)]