Social skills? You don't need it, so don't bother talking to your team, you can just swing around the map like a ♥♥♥♥♥ up spider solo. Just master your swing and avoid eye contact.

Mess up a combo? No worries. Just swing around a bit and act like it was intentional. Life’s like that too, fake confidence covers a lot of sins.

Your love life’s a bug that never gets patched. But hey, at least Spider-Man’s webs stick better than your pickup lines and both have about the same success rate.

Every time you get hit, it’s like a reminder of that one time you said “I’m fine” when you weren’t. Use that pain to fuel your rage or just accept that you’re terrible.

You can put on the mask and be a hero in the game, but nobody sees the pizza stains and tears when the screen goes black. Embrace the disguise, it’s your best filter.

Planning combos is like planning a date, you freeze up, panic mash, and hope it doesn’t end in disaster. Spoiler: both end with you alone.

No girlfriend? No problem. Your controller never ghosts you, never complains, and always responds, unlike your last three texts.

Sometimes you just flail and pray for a lucky hit. Pro gamers call it “strategic chaos.” Your mom calls it “time to get a job.”

Spider-Man might be the king of swing, but you’re the king of being stuck in the same spot. Embrace it, grind it out, and remember: the real boss fight is your social anxiety.