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I could raise the limit a bit on the absolute -1000 penalty part - there's already a separate penalty when attempting to betrothe a woman over the age of 20 to a child, anyhow, I suppose. I wouldn't do it by much, however, so if you're somehow unable to find a match now you're not likely to do it then, either. Sorry.
As for turning the visit into an entire event chain - well, yes, if I had enough time to write all the associated events, it could be done. I'd once toyed with the idea of making a "visit relatives" activity, complete with a bunch of random events that would allow relatives to catch up with each other. That it didn't get done boiled down to me spending my time doing other things I found more interesting, is all.
But may I suggest adding a gameplay rule for your tweaks regarding marriage acceptance? The penalities for visible deformation and betrothing older females with younger males are too large for my liking. Being scaly or clumb-footed should not make marriage between an emporer's heir and a count's second daughter all but impossible. Also, betrothing a teenaged girl with a boy 6,7,8 or even 9 years younger should be possible. I get that the mod aims to reduce unrealistic marriages with little chance of offspring, but a noble woman getting married between 22 to 26 is not 'much too old'! Can there perhaps be a lesser penalty for age differences that are large but not extreme like 6-10 years?
If you'd like, you can extract the files and add them to your own mod. However, my aim is to keep it updated for as long as possible.
* Random lowborn or minor noble seeking liege's permission to marry, when permission is granted, liege gets a strong hook for 10 years on the courtier and a weak hook on the spouse.
* Betrothal or marriage of the liege's children resulted from a good match-up in the courtship should grant liege a perpetual (yellow) hook on the child.
"there's little point in creating aged parents who will die almost immediately" >> I'd challenge this statement
- current implementation can create dead parents, which I've even seen it do with parents in their 50s (maybe late 40s too iirc)
- I'm fine with dead, even in a situation where someone died 50 years ago - I'm doing this for roleplay. filling out my corner of gameplay world with additional families. typically this may be a spouse early on to generate their entire family with cousins and multiple generations.
Not sure what you mean by non-ruler/court? Do you mean characters in the pool? Yeah, then nobody has a court to be put in. I could amend the code for that, I suppose, but it's like lowborns - it would take a fair amount of work, and I'm not really interested.
As for your suggestions, the ability to invite your lover/spouse to visit exists because otherwise the realistic pregnancy system would make children for such separated couples impossible. I wouldn't add regular abilities to "lay with spouse" because, honestly, those feel to me more like a player just wanting a "give baby now" button and don't really add anything more. If I added it, I'd need it to do something a bit more than just that.
A piece of advice: When a war ends, the leader of the losing side should also travel, not teleport to your palace, he/she should also be given a chance to escape.
A very nice mod. Thank goodness you exist :)
Keep in mind that not all the events relate to sleeping with camp followers and such. Some are about sieges, making friends/enemies with fellow soldiers, encountering strangers, etc. You can see a couple of examples in the first screenshots at the top of the page.